The Disease: The Outtakes: All two feet

I have been sick for all of my adult life with this fun little hereditary, chronicdisease called Crohns. I was 20 years old, a junior in college when I started to lose weight at a rapid clip. I had no idea what was wrong with my body when within 30 days I had dropped 35 pounds. I was, as I like to call it (AND I believe is the technically correct term), “scared as shit” and clueless to the catalyst or to the cause. I was a little chubby at the beginning of that month. Honestly, after the first 10 pounds (all in the first week), I was like, bring it on tape worm. Go Go gadget weight loss. This sure beats exercise. In fact, and truthfully, the week before I got sick I bought some Slim Fast drinks. I went from this shit works! to This shit works!!! to holy shit Slim Fast, slow the hell down!!!!

As the pounds dropped off my frame, I started becoming increasingly fatigued and anemic and I found myself weaker and weaker.

After a few weeks of trying to ignore the drastic weight loss I no longer was able. Went to the doctor. Long, story made a wee bit shorter: I was diagnosed with what they like to refer to as Crohns Disease. If your interested.

Crohn’s disease is a type of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), resulting in swelling and dysfunction of the intestinal tract.

Description

Crohn’s disease involves inflammation of the intestine, especially the small intestine. Inflammation refers to swelling, redness, and loss of normal function. There is evidence that the inflammation is caused by various products of the immune system that attack the body itself instead of helpfully attacking a foreign invader (a virus or bacteria, for example). The inflammation of Crohn’s disease most commonly affects the last part of the ileum (a section of the small intestine), and often includes the large intestine (the colon). However, inflammation may also occur in other areas of the gastrointestinal tract, affecting the mouth, esophagus, or stomach.

I was not getting much nutrition from the food I was eating. I was scared to eat… I was frightened by food.

My stomach would make audible cries to be put out of its misery. The gas, you don’t want to know… but now you kinda do. Doubled over in pain. It would go into remission for stretches of time. I would occasionally have months without any problems. I liked those times so much. I was all the more distraught after one of these respites from Crohns when it would come back with extreme interest. I was hospitalized several times over the next 12 years.

In that time, I had always been affected by the disease but tried my best not to use it as a crutch and not let it define me. I would describe myself as being left handed, blue eyed, laden with crohns, love to draw, incredibly sexy, totally modest (and charming) and liked comedy.

I have been a lot sicker than I have let on to most people in my life. I have seen doctors weekly and taken 20 pills everyday at the height of the disease. Every 6 weeks I would go to the hospital as an out patient and I would have an infusion by means of intravenous drug called remicaide. I was tired always. I was in pain most of the time. I moved to NYC to pursue the arts. NYC is really competitive and can kick your ass without the help of a disease, I was just,…um… fortunate to be…. um…er, double teamed(?). I was cast in a handful of commercials during this time, I kept my disease a secret from my agents and casting directors. I was also pulling double duty, working a full time job at HBO. They had no idea I was sick. I naively thought that they wouldn’t hire someone who is chronically ill. I started performing and studying improv comedy around town a couple nights a week at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and other places. I had a few auditions a week, I was either in a relationship or on the hunt for one. Crohns never affected my libido. (Hi). I was busy for a healthy person, which, um… you know, i kinda was not.

I was always glad and found myself fortunate to have this disease compared to something like cancer or Parkinson’s. Tried to be positive. And I was, have been, am.

I got more sick over the course of these 12 years, I was on every drug there was for treating this condition (and a few others too), I was going to the chiropractor to help align my spine in hopes that it would help with my stomach, I was going to a shrink to talk about the psychological affects the disease was having on me, and all the time, I was just trying to do my thing. Live my life. I thought that I would have Crohns forever…. and you know, I will. But, guess what… no,…. really guess the fuck what…

I got sicker. My diet was already limited and shrinking steadily. Wheres Dan? Oh, in the bathroom. I was pale as any “living” person could be. I was a ghost. As much as I tried to keep a full plate of activities and ambitions for my life, I was always distracted and only able to give 70% at best, if that. I didn’t admit it to myself. I couldn’t or rather… I did not want to acknowledge that fact. It was my life. But… oh yeah… guess what….

I continued onwards on my dissent into the world of pain… I couldn’t eat anything, i had wonderful fistulas and my intestines had shut down a couple times on me. My body was not cooperating. Well, guess what… I had an operation this past April. Not even 2 months ago. I have a fantastic scar. Wanna see? Well, regardless, here it is… Pubic tease and all. Not sure which is grosser the incision with staples or my pale bloated (sexy) stomach…

Guess what!!! Here, this is hard for me to believe. I have been sick for all of my adult life. As much as I didn’t admit to myself that the disease was taking its toll on me, that it was affecting my work, that the odds of me accomplishing my goals were dwindling, crohns and nyc kicked my really pale ass. I have done well considering. I wrote and had some books published, cartoons purchased, started producing music videos and held the hand of a couple really beautiful women (and some horrible ones… one) … but I always felt that I was/am capable of more. Regardless, guess what……..

They say, the doctors, the surgeons… that after THE 2 FEET OF INTESTINE THEY REMOVED ALONG WITH MY APPENDIX… that they got it all. They say…. that while I run a really high risk of getting sick again with crohns, as it stands now… i am crohns free. They went on to say, that I am no longer lactose intolerant (although, I wasn’t before entirely) and that I won’t be anemic after 2 months of iron supplements. They also say, ladies, that I am well endowed… intestinelly. That I have ample intestine.

Well, It has been a month and a half since the major surgery. I am one lucky and thankful guy. The staff at Mount Sanai hospital in NYC were the best in their field. I could not have asked for a better team of doctors and surgeons. Roll Call:

Dr. Leslie F. Seecoomar, MD, Gastroenterology

Dr. Peter E. Legnani, MD, Gastroenterology

Dr. Adrian Greenstein, MD, General Surgery, Surgery

I am appreciative and starting anew with so many aspects of my life. I may be struck by lightning (or a runaway automobile, or a falling rock, could maybe choke on the vegetables which now I can eat more of) tomorrow… but, guess what… I have a new start today, A literal new body, A new borough, A new apartment, a new computer, the same great family and friends that I had before. What more could I want? Besides being cast in a few more commercials… not too much. However, now I am capable (I was before too), without hindrance of going after what I want in this life.

Here is that picture again.

I always wanted to sum up the 12 years of anguish in one stupid blog entry. I can check that off now. This was a rite of passage. Here is a sexy hospital pic.

Updated 8/17/08

My old college friend Jennifer Maldano Tooley, a fellow human with Crohns, has recently reconnected with me through the wonders of Facebook. I just found out that she, along with 508 other fundraisers, raised a mind blowing $2,028,000 to help fund Crohns research for CCFA’s (Crohns Colitis Foundation of America) 2008 Team Challenge. The money was raised by kind people pledging their money as Jennifer and her cohorts trained and ran a half marathon. Not bad. Infact, awesome! Congratulations and thank you!

Jennifer was kind enough to write the damn sweetest thang about me that I have ever read on her blogand I am honored and touched. Really sweet. Usually things posted about me on the internet are horrible and untrue. Mom, please stop blogging about me.

Jennifer linked this very blog on that post and so if you are finding this post through Jennifer’s site, she DID warn you about the 4 letter words that you would find here and yet you still came.  Shit, people with Crohns and colitis are so brave.  Sincerely.

Thank you for every thing that you do to help the cause, for myself, and others who are living with the disease. I appreciate you checking out my post and I hope you take something positive away from this blog and my experience. If you have recently been diagnosed with this disease or any other, what you’ll find is, that while at moments,  it may tax you and make you feel weaker; in the long run, if you face it head on, you will only be stronger for it. In your convictions, in your ability to persevere and especially in your character. Only the best for you and yours.

Thanks,

Daniel Berman

PS If you want to make a donation to CCFA and help fund research for the disease click here to donate.

Thanks

Again – To read something sweet about me, and hear about a remarkable accomplishment:

Click on this Link: http://jennifer4ccfa.blogspot.com/2008/07/over-2-million-raised-by-team-challenge.html

To donate to CCFA:

Click on this Link: https://www.kintera.org/site/apps/ka/sd/donorcustom.asp?c=hwKTJbN0JwF&b=1549383&kntaw6318=B64E9827C379416CB3307198DD9E0772