a Very Tangential Surgery Tale 1 (1 of three) or My run in with the Cops

I mentioned two posts ago that recently I was in the hospital having two feet of my intestine removed.

Overall, the surgery has resulted in a quality that I haven’t known in my adult life. I have more energy and ambition than I’ve ever possessed. In Hindsight, I should have done this surgery years ago. My excuses and I have many, was that I lacked all the necessary information that I would have the most sought after and specialized doctors/surgeons in the nation. Also, and this one is one of my all time favorite excuses, I was scared and there was no guarantee that the operation would be a success. Not bad, huh?

Life is a game and we are challenged to not only play against other opponents but also ourselves.

Or, Life is a stage and I have yet to receive a final draft of the script.

The surgery and the recovery, while not pleasant, was a necessary evil. Even if you are not sick, I totally reccomend that YOU too have the operation. Run, don’t walk.

Or, Bike.

But, I digress and without any further ado I present you with…

a Very Tangential Surgery Tale 1 (1 of three)

or

My Run in with the cops

Before the Surgery I was given the prep instructions that for the 48 hours prior to my hospitalization I was to refrain and abstain from any food whatsoever.

I was in severe pain, I was light headed and weak without any food and I was quite nervous about the impending procedure. I had recently (within the last 2 weeks) moved to Williamsburg, BK and was thinking that not only would a leisurely stroll on my bike through my new neighborhood clear my mind it would allow an opportunity to explore.

On my new bike and in my new neighborhood, I navigated the bumpy urban terrain, avoiding piles of hipster puke and suburban parents given to subsidizing their edgy and punk rock offspring. A car came speeding by and startled me and my instinct was to hop the curb and jump onto the sidewalk. Seconds after, I was signaled by two police officers to stop my bike. They proceeded to write me a ticket/summons for riding my bicycle on the sidewalk.

I told the officers:

• A car almost hit me. I was on the sidewalk to avoid, you know, being roadkill.

They continued to write the ticket. Since that honest and earnest rationale did not seem to appease the offending officers I tried a different, but again truthful tactic.

• I just recently moved into the borough. I have been in Manhattan for the last 7 years and I never heard of this offense.

The officers were not impressed or deterred from giving me a ticket. I thought, why not give more info that may either enlighten the police officers or reveal a human heart beneath the monster exterior.

• I have not eaten in 48 hours. Tomorrow I am having 2 feet of my intestine removed and my appendix. Can you throw me a bone and just give me a warning?

The cops neither gave me a warning or a glimpse of human understanding and preceded to hand over the ticket. I could not worry about it because I had surgery the next morning and that preoccupied my brain. No, big payoff on this story other than last week I ran into these same police officers and they ended up taking turns sucking my dick for 5 hours while asking for my forgiveness. Hmm, no, no, I am sorry that did NOT happen… but what did, was I went to court and everything was dismissed! Yes.

There are two other tangential  installments to come. In the meantime please enjoy these pics.

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THE above is by an artist named Anita Mejia and I found it at the great website DRAWN! Its very dark and cute. Daniel, Danny, Dan enjoys.

Two of my faves

Weird Fozzy and Al Yankovic

This would have been my wet dream photoshoot when I was 10 years old. Of course, not wet dreamiing until i was 27.  Thank you, thank you puberty. All this photo is missing is Punky Brewster, Alvin of Alvin and the Chipmunks fame and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Then it would all encapsulate my childhood.

Just wanted to share.

Thanks to Lucas Held’s International House of Relax for the the Picture.

Plus — late breaking news

The Disease: The Outtakes: All two feet

I have been sick for all of my adult life with this fun little hereditary, chronicdisease called Crohns. I was 20 years old, a junior in college when I started to lose weight at a rapid clip. I had no idea what was wrong with my body when within 30 days I had dropped 35 pounds. I was, as I like to call it (AND I believe is the technically correct term), “scared as shit” and clueless to the catalyst or to the cause. I was a little chubby at the beginning of that month. Honestly, after the first 10 pounds (all in the first week), I was like, bring it on tape worm. Go Go gadget weight loss. This sure beats exercise. In fact, and truthfully, the week before I got sick I bought some Slim Fast drinks. I went from this shit works! to This shit works!!! to holy shit Slim Fast, slow the hell down!!!!