3 Strikes: Underdog should be given to Michael Vick

UNDERDOG

• According to me, this promotional photo is the first strike.  Equating Underdog with great men like Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln is really underhanded and aggrandizing. 1) They are of a different species.  2) Underdog did not own any slaves. 3)  The dog, also, does very little orating.

• According to Jim’s Jim Belushi is the star of Underdog. Why does he love doing movies with dogs so much? He also did the movie K9, K9:2 – K10 or whatever. I don’t want to say this directly so I will only infer … B-E-L-U-S-H-I*I-S*I-N-T-O*B-E-A-S-T-I-A-L-I-T-Y.    Movie stars fall in love with one another all the time on sets. So, it’s really not so hard to believe.  It is however gross and the movies 2nd strike.

Oh, they are holding hands. That is nasty.

• According to IMDB, one of the three writers faulted with writing this masterpiece is a man named Adam Rifkin.  Adam apparently has an alter ego named Rif Coogan. You know, like Greg Brady/Johnny Bravo, Paul Reubans/Pee Wee Herman and Dick Cheyney/George W. Bush. I am not sure if this quote is from Adam or Rif, but it’s from one of them.

“An Adam Rifkin movie is really a movie that I think of as a career movie. Rif Coogan movies are more for fun, my own personal edification, and for practice.”

Well, UNDERDOG does not look like a career movie (live action movie about a dog with superpowers) and it hardly looks like it was fun or fulfilling. Perhaps, Adam has splintered off again and created a third identity; one that revels in writing absolute unredemptive, commentless, dreadful and unoriginal family dreck.

Dear Adam, Rif and the new masochistic persona,

Figure out who you are with one identity and stick to it, freak.

Warm Regards from:

Daniel and Danny and Dan and Danielle and Daniel Berman

P.S Your third identity is UNDERDOG’S 3rd strike.

The Bible is so sacred, I mean scared.

The Bible  is the best selling book of all time according to a trusty Wikipedia entry I just read. The runner-ups include other fictional works such Uncle Tom’s Cabin (#46), To Kill a Mocking Bird (#39) and The Catcher in the Rye (#16).  The newest addition to the list and debuting in the respectable #12 position is the latest and last installment in the Harry Potter franchise.  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It became available at 12:01 A.M. this past Saturday morning, and sold 72.1 million in its first two days.

The people who work for the Bible are shitting in their religious pants. The bible has been around for a loooooooooooooooong time and while it has sold a mind numbing 5 BILLION COPIES records show that the bible sold far fewer in its first days after its release. The numbers were at best, 3 copies. They were sold to friends and family as to not make the writer feel bad. It was panned initially, and since has spawned many films and made for TV movies including Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Jingle All the Way, Tim Allen’s The Santa Clause and The Santa Clause 2 and a couple of seasonal Charlie Brown speacials.

 If the new Harry Potter book continues to sell copies at these break neck speeds, projections show it will out sell The Bible sometime in early September. Priests and rabbis are hunkering down to retool their religion to include muggles, quiditch and talking hats and get rid of Jesus, Lies and tacos.

Happiest Guy on the Inside

Joe Ovbey shot this. He is strange too. Also, Cameron Smith, fucking wack job.

Danny is spoiling USA’S THE 4400.

My face is hideous and grotesque but my voice is so damn lovely. How to reconcile the two facts? Well, book me in a commercial, use my voice, but never, ever, ever show my bubbly pus filled visage. Watch this spooky promo I shot for USA’s THE 4400.

Guiliani Feels Guilty

We all have an internal mechanism in our head that rings and beeps when we stumble across an idea that makes us smile or think. My mechanism is broken. Hope you enjoy my site.